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⛔ How To Ignore Narcissists?

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In todays email:

⛔ Ignore Narcissists

❓ Questions from Readers

📚 New on the Blog

Hello Thrivers,

Before I continue with todays newsletter, I want to let you know that I will not spam your mail boxes for the coming 3 weeks because of vacation time with my family.

But before I take a pause from everything that is digital, I want to address something very important and that is when you decide to go No Contact with your Narcissist.

When you decide to go No Contact, this means that you will completely ignore them. This does not mean that you can ignore them mostly, or 90%. It only works when you don't give them ANY supply at all.

So how does that look like?

Stop Talking on Social Media

This means 3 things

• Don't initiate contact
• Don't respond to their contact
• Don't even read their messages

If you decide to stop talking to them but they start talking to you and you respond, the no contact is broken.

Even if you start reading their messages without replying, they know you have read them and will spam you with more messages. Please stop reading their messages all together and straight delete/block everything from them.

Stop Talking tot hem on your mobile

It's exactly the same for phones and mobiles. People often mistaken what ignoring a narcissist exactly is. Narcissists want to manipulate you and get a reaction from you.

When they start calling or chatting and they know you are somehow receiving these messages, their goal is reached and they will continue doing this.

Don't talk about them with shared friends

Of course this is difficult because you are interested how they are doing. But if there is a chance this shared friend will pass on information, there is also a chance the Narcissist will use this to manipulate you.

They can ask to pass on messages, they can exaggerate to that friend how well they are doing or that they are dating someone new, just to get to you.

Don't chat with them when they "accidentally" spot you

Narcissists often show up on spots they know you will be at, like supermarkets, coffee shops, a bar, etc.

But these meetings are never accidentally and only meant to influence and manipulate you. Don't fall for it and tell them you are not going to talk to them. If they don't leave, choose to leave yourself.

Why is Ignoring them so important?

If you have read some of my articles, you know I often talk about Narcissistic Supply. To Narcissists, supply is a type of drug and they need to continuously receive this from you.

If you decide to stop giving them their supply, they will walk away and find someone else ( most of them).

Yes, there are exceptions and situations where this does not work, but in 90% of all cases this is enough to let you be.

So when you decide to ignore your Narcissist, don't ignore them 10% or 60%,

Ignore them for the full 100%.

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❓ Questions From Readers ❓

Do you have a personal question you want to see answered in this email? Hit Reply and send me your question.

I was in a relationship on and off for over 20 years. I broke up with the person I was with , with in a year he is now married. I am having a hard time and it’s very difficult to move on. Any advice?

I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re going through this hard time. Ending a long-term relationship can be very challenging, emotionally and mentally. Here are some steps you can take to help yourself move forward:

1. Allow yourself to grieve: It’s normal to feel a sense of loss after breaking up from a long-term relationship. Give yourself permission to feel these feelings and know that it’s okay to grieve.
2. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, support groups, or mental health professionals. Talking about your feelings can provide great relief.
3. Take care of your physical health: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and enough sleep can have a positive effect on your mood and energy levels.
4. Engage in activities you enjoy: Although this might not be the first thing on your mind, now is a great time to rediscover old hobbies or pick up new ones. Doing things you love can help distract your mind and bring you joy.
5. Practice mindfulness and meditation: These practices can help reduce stress and anxiety and improve mental well-being.
6. Avoid comparing your progress with his: Narcissists are wired differently and they can't be alone. Him getting married within a year is very typical behavior. Yes it hurts, but its important to start focusing on your own journey to healing.
7. Seek professional help: If feelings of sadness persist or lead to depression, it’s important to reach out to a counselor or therapist.

Remember, it can take time to heal after such a significant end. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey.

And while it’s normal to reflect on past relationships, don’t let it define your future. There are brighter days ahead.

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I began to believe I was turning toxic ...because I wasn't being true to myself ...I ignored my gut instinct ...then began questioning myself ...is it common to feel like that ...?

Yes, it's common to feel this way, especially when you've been in a relationship where your feelings and insights have been consistently undermined or disregarded, such as in a relationship with a narcissist.

This can lead to self-doubt and second-guessing your decisions, actions, or feelings, causing you to feel as though you've become "toxic."

Remember, it's important to trust yourself and your instincts. Responsible self-reflection is healthy, but it should not be a source of persistent self-doubt or negativity.

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My husband told me he didn't live me and doesn't want to be with me. He said he wants to be with other women and with many at the same time. Nevertheless, he is still contacting me via email, text, and calls. Even since he told me this I gave gone no contact with him. Why is he trying to make contact me?
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It’s difficult to ascertain his specific motivations without more context, but there are a few possibilities:

1. Control: Even if he has expressed a desire to end the relationship, he might still want to exert control or have influence over your emotions.
2. Validation: He might be seeking validation from you, regardless of how he’s hurt you.
3. Uncertainty: Despite his words, he might not be entirely sure about his decision and wishes to keep the door open.

What’s critical to remember is your well-being. It’s admirable that you’ve chosen the no-contact approach, as it can help to create a vital distance for healing and regaining your own emotional balance.

Stick to your decision as much as possible and, if you need to, consider seeking help from a counselor or support group to manage this challenging situation.

You’re not alone and there are resources available to help.

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📚 New On The Blog

​What Happens when a Narcissist Tries to Hoover You and You Don't Respond?​

​How To Ignore a Narcissist the Right Way?​

​What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist?​

In strength and solidarity,
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Alexander Burgemeester

Psychologist and Founder of The Narcissistic Life​

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