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🪞 How Are Narcissists Made?

In todays email:

🪞 How Are Narcissists Made?

❓ Questions from Readers

📚 New on the Blog

How Are Narcissists Made?

Dear Reader

Today, I want to take you on a journey through the life of a young girl named Carla.

It's a story that teaches us about the power of our experiences and how they can shape our view of ourselves and the world around us.

When Carla was growing up, her dad left her and her sister, leaving them with their mom.

Carla tried her best to please her mom, but nothing she did ever seemed good enough. It made her feel sad and like she couldn't measure up.

At school, Carla found it hard to make friends, so she created imaginary friends in her mind.

These friends always said nice things to her, telling her how pretty she was and how great she did in school. It made Carla feel good about herself and made up for the lack of praise she received from others.

As Carla got older, these experiences started to affect the way she saw herself and how she behaved in relationships.

She started seeking attention and validation from others, constantly craving admiration and feeling entitled to special treatment.

Over time, it became clear that Carla had developed narcissistic traits.

She became overly focused on herself, disregarding the feelings and needs of those around her.

She would manipulate situations to get her way, always wanting to be the center of attention.

❓ Questions From Readers

Should you confront a Narcissist in a church or other non profit setting?

​Confronting a Narcissist can be dangerous as they often deny everything and play the victim instead.

If you want to confront them to protect others, prepare for a backlash.

I would advice to stay far away from this Narcissist and only confront him/her when they hurt other people.

How do you protect yourself from letting Narcissists in your life?

Recognising Narcissists in real life is not an easy thing to do. They often start being very friendly and only in time will they show who they truly are. But there are some things you can do to protect yourself.

1. Learn to set clear boundaries so people can't take advantage of you
2. Trust your gut instincts: if something feels wrong, it probably is.
3. Read more about Narcissism and Narcissists so you recognise them sooner
4. Consider coaching or therapy and find out why people are able to take advantage of you

What advice or knowledge can you give to mothers who have to co-parent with their ex spouse (who is a full blown narcissist) since a child is involved?

I get these type of questions a lot and they are the hardest to answer. You can't full ignore a Narcissists you are raising a child with. So what do you do?

There are a few things that might help getting the best out of these situations.

1. Set clear boundaries. You should only have contact about your child. All other contact should be avoided.
2. Don't get into fights. The Narcissist will try to trigger you to get a response from you. Try to avoid at all costs as getting angry is exactly what they want
3. Recognise their limitations: They are never going to meet your standards and they will not change their behavior. The only thing that can change is how you will react to their provocations.

You can read more in an article I wrote: 13 Tips for co-parenting with a Narcissist​

I try to answer questions every week, if you want to see your question answered, hit reply and send me an email.

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​10 Signs a Narcissists Wants Your Attention After the Break-Up​ ​

That's it for this week, see you all next week.

Alexander Burgemeester

Psychologist and Founder of The Narcissistic Life​

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